|Fresh out of the oven|
The first, docile, “I want 100 more of you sweet babies” days, the hours of screaming colic, the blow outs, first smile, rolling over, sitting up and all of those other moments, good and bad, that make up that time that you spend with your baby. I have felt that special, “I never understood how much a mom can love their baby so much until now” moment and felt like I was starting to get things.
It wasn’t until late last week, however, that I felt like I had finally arrived as a mother.
My baby girl was sick- fever, cranky, not sleeping. That was not too bad- but then she started to get night terrors. From what I read, they are sometimes triggered by fevers, but are still uncommon in babies. And let me tell you- watching a baby with a night terror is terrorizing- to the mom.
Brief explanation: she ‘wakes’ up, screaming and crying, like something is attacking her, but her eyes are tightly closed. She trashes and kicks, and though you pick her up, rock her, bounce her, sing to her, she just doesn’t respond.
Within 5-20 minutes, if you can get her to wake up, she will be totally fine, cooing and laughing, obviously no memory of what has occurred. But those few moments of night terrors, watching your baby writhe while there is nothing you can do?
|My precious girl when she is not sicky|
So, Saturday night, as I rocked my darling girl, I just prayed and thought to myself how very much I wish I could protect her little body. I wash, dress, change, tickle, and feed her, but there was nothing, aside from a little Tylenol, that I could do for her inside.
I held her tightly in my arms, just wishing I could take away her pain and onto myself, so she could be free. That was it! I realized:
I KNEW that I would rather suffer than watch my baby suffer.
I am a real mom now. Officially.